Mom Life Monday - The Cure For Complaing

Hi!

Happy Monday to YOU! Hope you had a great weekend! For this week's Mom Life Monday tip of the day, I wanted to share an idea we have been using in our house to help with the issue of complaining. I'm sure your children don't ever complain but just in case, here's what we've found works for us!Whenever I hear one of my girls say something that resembles complaining, I always respond with 

"Before you complain about a problem, try to find a solution."

 For instance:Rowen's Problem: "Reeeeeeeeese! I can't see the TV! Mommy, Reese won't MOVE!"My response: "Rowen, before we complain about a problem, let's try to find a solution! Instead of complaining that Reese won't move, please just ask her (with kindness!) to please scoot over so you can see.If you have kids under the age of four, you will most likely have to help them find the solution in the beginning, but as they get more practice solving their OWN PROBLEMS, they will become much better at it! I've been so amazed to hear how much better the girls are at figuring out their problems all on their own, rather than complaining being their first resort.I wish I could say that we have alleviated complaining all together, but it definitely still happens. The key from a parenting perspective is to be consistent, not fix it for them, remind them what they need to do, and some times give them a little guidance.Now for today's Momiform, here's an outfit I get a lot of wear out of in the Fall.The key ingredients to pull off this look is a pair of skinny jeans (these are only $65!), a cute button down, and riding boots. I've been hunting the right pair of riding boots for YEARS. These are absolutely perfect. When I shared them on my instagram, I couldn't believe how many messages from followers that said that they've had these boots for years and they still look great!
     
I love a loose fitting button down, especially if it includes a pretty bow detail like this one. It's a little more of a splurge for me but it can be worn in so many different ways. I absolutely love the color combo, too! Like I said before, these riding boots are the most affordable and comfortable pair I've ever owned. They run true to size and also come in a wide calf version. They have the prettiest button detail above the zipper in the back and the color goes with everything!Thanks so much for stopping by the blog for Mom Life Monday! Today's memory verse is "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Colossians 3:23Outfit details below!

Loving Where You Live

Hi, friends! Happy Monday to you! There's a shiny new week ahead and I want to start it out with a perspective shift. It's so easy to get hung up in the game of comparing and contrasting the haves and have nots in our lives. Unfortunately comparison just wont't stay put in one area either. It buries it's claws into all the areas. I mean I could talk about how it affects my parenting, how it affects the way I view my looks, or even what kind of purse I carry, but today we are going to focus how it affects the place I wake up and take up space day in and day out.Let's talk about the home.We've lived in our house for almost nine years. She's a cutie but she's got her faults. Not too long ago I found myself throwing a massive pity party when I started to realize that most of my friends had moved out of "starter homes" into bigger and better houses. I was still "stuck" in this one. Bless my poor heart. As luck would have it (or God would ordain it!), that same week, my little potty trainer had an accident on the couch. I took the cushion off to wash it and in the process, the zipper busted and the cushion cover didn't even fit anymore. We put a towel over the cushion as a temporary solution. Just use your imagination to envision how classy it looks.In the past I might have tried to pep talk myself into feeling better about the situation. I used to find myself saying things like "Well, at least you have a couch. People in other countries sleep in the dirt and have no place to sit". But comparison, even if you're the "winner" in the game, still doesn't help in the long run. What does help is to shift your perspective. Here's what this looks like for me...First off, I speak life into my space. I know it sounds cheesy but we've gotten into the practice of saying something kind about our home every time we pull into the driveway. We've done it long enough now that we even hear the girls say "Look at that sweet little house" when we get home most days. We also say things like "Isn't it so fun that we have a porch to swing on?" or "I love that we have such big trees in our yard!" It's simple but it's effective. Remind yourself daily why where you live is a good place to be.Another thing I do when I begin to feel dissatisfied is to CLEAN the heck out of my house. Even an old car looks good with a little wash and wax. Get rid of clutter and excess in your home, give her a good clean, light a candle, and voila! Some days I'm shocked at how much I can fall in love with my home again just because I took the time to clean her up.Now that the house is clean, I invite people over! There's nothing sweeter than hearing conversation and laughter flow through your home. I always find myself wishing I had a bigger house so I could host more people and then I'm like WAIT. I can totally host people here now! I used to think I had to have a perfectly planned and executed dinner party in order to have people over. Now I'm kind of loving the idea of having a big pot of soup, a football game, and letting people fight over who gets to sit on our "special cushion" ;-)What I love about perspective is that it changes nothing about your life but how you view it. There is sooooo much power in that! I love in Romans 12:2 where Paul reminds us to "renew our minds". Shifting our perspective to an attitude of gratitude helps us to do that.I hope you already love where you live! But if you don't, I hope that a few of these ideas will change that for you.Happy first of the week, sweet friends! 

Front Porch Chats - Manners

It's picture day at school and we have been patiently waiting to wear these amazing little dresses from Bella Bliss! Oh my I can barely handle the sweetness!

I bribed the babes to take at least one picture with mommy! MnM's and a hopscotch board will do the trick every time!

 

My dress linked hereThe girls shoes linked hereThe girls dresses lined hereMy boots linked hereIf you follow me on Instagram you know that occasionally, when the girls are resting, I'll sit on the front porch swing and share a few ideas that are working for us in the parenting department. We certainly don't have it all figured out but we are doing our best to raise kids that aren't the worst. One thing that's always driven me bananas is how kids (and sometimes adults!) make demands of people when they want something.OR.Even worse. They'll make statements and expect people to do what they want without ever asking.I know these are kids we're talking about but for goodness sake, if we don't teach them some basic principals when it comes to respect for others and using manners, then no one will. And if there's one thing I've learned about children, it's that when you respectfully expect certain behaviors and you're willing to put in the energy over a consistent period of time to teach them those behaviors, they CAN and WILL rise to the occasion.For instance, if my three year old says "I'm thirsty" we respond with "Rowen, that's just a statement. How would we turn that into a request using manners?" And in the beginning we would also have to say "Try: 'Mommy, could you get me some water, please?" But now, if prompted to make a request using manners, she knows exactly what to say.If Reese says "Give me that cup" we say "That's a demand and we don't respond to demands. Can you turn that into a request using your manners?"Our tone is never condescending because that would defeat the whole purpose. If the goal is to teach your children to be respectful with their needs and wants, we need to do the same for them. I've never quite understood how a parent could bark orders at their kids and then scold them when the kids bark back. Yes, as a parent you are an authority but shouldn't that mean that you model the respect you want to see in your kids?I feel like it's really valuable to remind our children what their words mean so they know that they carry weight. Whether ugly or kind, the words we speak have great meaning. This is a very safe and practical way for children to start understanding and taking responsibility for their words. Yes, it would take less time to just say "Try that again and say it nicer this time" or to just give them what they ask for. But it's a teachable moment that doesn't take a whole lot of effort on our end to incorporate.So here it is in an easy takeaway:"I'm thirtsy"That's a statement."Give me water"That's a demand."Could you please give me some water"That's a request using manners and that's what we're after!What I've loved about incorporating this into our home is that it's changed the overall tone in which our children speak to us and to each other. It sounds so gracious to request something in a kind way.Cultivating kindness in our home takes on a lot of different forms but this is something we practice all. the. time. And we have been so excited to see the outcome so far!I hope it's something you'll be able to use in your home and that it'll make a positive difference!"Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healing to the body." Proverbs 16;24 

Good Vibes ONLY

Do you ever get tired of the words you have rolling around in your head?Goodness knows I do.Some days it feels like there's a middle school bully up there pushing me around, calling me names, and literally just giving me a mental beat down.I know who the bully is.As a Christian, I know that Satan uses first person talk in my mind to make me believe lies about myself. For example it's never "You're not smart, pretty, worthy, loved." No, it always turns into me taking complete ownership of the lie Satan wants me to believe "I'm not smart. I'm not pretty. I'm not worthy. I'm not loved."If you've seen the movie The Help, you'll probably recall the very touching and memorable part where Aboline leans in to the little girl she has practically raised and says "You is Kind, You Is Smart, You is Important."I cry through that whole movie but especially at that part!I love truth. I love it because it literally has the power to set us free. When we focus our minds on what is true, it changes the whole trajectory of our thinking and ultimately our lives!The mind can be a toxic place if we aren't careful so I wanted to quickly share some of the ways I've had my mental lie detector on high alert.

Listen to conviction, throw out condemnation.

Condemnation has a way of devaluing. while conviction actually adds more value. Conviction is always kind but condemnation is a bully. If you're allowing condemnation to rule your thoughts sending you into a spiral of negative emotions, reject those ideas and replace them with the truth that you can always work harder and be better but you are loved totally and completely right where you are this very second.

Speak affirmations, silence doubt.

Affirmations are borderline cheesy but gosh are the effective! I read in a parenting book one time that you must speak the truth you wish to see in your child. They need to physically hear what you believe they are capable of. So every night before the girls go to sleep, we go through positive affirmations. Right after they've been disciplined for a wrong behavior, we affirm the exact opposite of that behavior. For instance, when Rowen wacks Reese over the head, after she apologizes and they hug it out, she has to hold her hands up and say "I use my hands to be kind. I do not use my hands to hit." Whatever area you feel weakest in is the one that's crying out to be affirmed. Wake up to your potential by literally speaking it into your reality. Our words are so powerful!

Discipline disappointments, practice being grateful.

Disappointment is a tough thing to deal with but when we have the right perspective, it can be a great teacher. Too many times we make it our enemy. It's not! We can learn and grow from the things that let us down. But if you let your disappointments tear you apart, then you learn nothing and no one wins. Instead, have an attitude of gratitude and choose to see growth as your friend and not your enemy. I will be the first to admit that I literally have to have the truth right in front of my face DAILY in order to not believe the lies that get conjured up in my head. I keep God's word handy and read it out loud on the regular but especially in the moments I'm feeling down and out.There's a lot on the line not only for me, but also for my girls. If I'm going to teach them how to have healthy mindsets, it's something I'm going to have to practice myself.I hope this will help you in your thinking this week. I hope you know thatYou are loved.You are valued.You are beautiful.You are special.And don't you let anyone tell you otherwise!

Being a YES mom

If you follow our little fam on instagram, you probably couldn't miss the fact that we took our first little vacation as a family of four. We had so. much. fun.

One the way down to the beach on Mother's Day afternoon, I told Matt that I wanted this to be a week of YES. I wanted to say yes as much as possible. We are pretty disciplined people on the reg and that means a lot of no-nonsense parenting. Being strict isn't a bad thing but I was beginning to feel that maybe we were using an iron fist where a gentle nudge could have worked just fine.

I always feel like the beach helps me to regain a sense of balance. It's like I find my center there. If I feel like I've been swaying too far from one extreme to another, it just seems like everything evens out.

This week was no exception. We said YES so much that we started recognizing things that really were necessary to say NO to. Funny how it happened. We relaxed but we didn't feel like we were being permissive.

We also found we started to enjoy this parenting thing a lot more. Don't get me wrong, we've always liked being parents. Though goodness knows it has it's moments. But we didn't take ourselves so seriously. We just enjoyed Reese for who she was. She wanted to play on the wooden train longer? Well, we didn't have anywhere to be that night. What could it hurt? So many times we are in such a hurry to get to the next destination, we miss out on the journey with our kids. Sounds very Hallmark channel, I know, but it's true. Lingering a little longer was so sweet. We slowed ourselves down and let ourselves operate on her time frame for a few minutes.

I know what you're thinking... "give kids an inch and they'll turn into little dictators bossing their parents around and ruling the roost!" But the craziest thing was that saying YES actually made our NO carry even more weight to her little ears. Once we said it was time to go, she was much more willing to GO. And as we allowed her to have a little more freedom to just be two years old in all it's craziness, we saw that it didn't hurt anything.

I read once that you have to recognize the difference between childish irresponsibility and willful disobedience. Striving to set an environment where she has more freedom to be who she is kept us from having unrealistic expectations for her. For instance, if she wants to walk up the back steps by herself every day instead of walking up the front steps with us, she can do it. When she first asked, my initial response was "No, you need to walk with mommy" but then I thought about it further and realized "OH! Another opportunity for YES!" So up the back stairs she went. Maybe that was our biggest takeaway. Keep your eyes open for chances to just say YES.

Since we've gotten home we've returned to a lot of our daily disciplines but the difference now is that we are looking for opportunities to say yes. And it's been so fun. I highly recommend it! After all, like every grandma tells me in Target, "These little years go by in a blink! Enjoy it!"

So let's enjoy this, Mommas. Let's say YES as much as we can. Let's be YES Moms. Let's look for opportunities to say YES to our kids so that our NO carries more weight.

Happy Weekend to YOU!!!!